La fin du monde, une rétrospective

For an emigration of retards

There are moments when one should praise the fact that they have worked hard all their life to build themselves a comfort zone: a circle of friends who won’t suddenly say something that will, in chronological order, make them lose faith in the human kind entirely, give them an urge for mass murders or even pray, in the most nuclear-powered country in the world, for a nuclear holocaust. There are moments in politics when one should avoid bar conversations at all cost. When the media focus on refugees, illegals, gays or any other wild pack out to rape your social benefits and behead your SUVs, one should quickly buy his fags and not stay for a drink. Because that’s when, in rapid succession, one learn that:

  1. The Arabs are 600 years behind us, they just started their wars of religion;
  2. we can’t believe that they’re so backwards when we gave them all the possible chances — like, in Algeria. When you think about it, really, the problems always come from the same people;
  3. It’s not that we shouldn’t help the refugees, of course but, we should solve our own problems first;
  4. And if we have to welcome them, we should pick the best, that’s what we need. [Note: remember to have your résumé laminated before drowning, that could make a difference.]

I might be candidly cultivating my  misanthropy, yet the exploding cocktail of those four ideas took me aback here. Having always been the king of the deadly-come-back-but-three-hours-late, at that time I just replied « I’d love to meet your history teacher ». But what I should really have answered of course is: « last time I check, the world was still round ». Because, for me, the weirdest knot in that thread of ethylico-fascist ideas has to be « we should solve our own problems first ». I have no idea how it is possible to think at the same time that we can solve our own problems first (in a vacuum? In a glass case? In zero gravity? On a trapeze wearing a sequin suit?) and that the world is round. So, in my view, this man can only be thinking that the world is flat with a wall at the end, behind which disappear the sun and, ideally, Aylan Kurdi. Yet it seems to me that the fact the world is round was assessed by Pythagoras in the 5th Century B.C. And that’s when the toxic knot contaminates the rest of the thread. If the Arabs are 600 years behind us and that this man is 2,500 years behind himself, I can only deduce from it that he’s 2,500 – 600 = 1,900 years behind the Arabs — who, by the way, proved Pythagoras’ intuition around 1,000 A.D., forcing our own very advanced religions to admit it in turn. The most probable explanation seems to be that when my new friend generously gave all the possible chances to the Arabs, the Arabs stole his own chances too (they are thieves, it’s a well-known fact), speeding up his retardation. So, while we’re busy picking the best in order to solve our own problems… I’m sorry, it doesn’t make me happy, you know, but… I’m well aware that we’re generally trying to prevent French people from going to Syria but, in that case, the only logical answer is to open our doors wide for Syrian refugees, and to kick out our retards.

That being said, that was also one of the purposes of our dearly missed colonies.

The terrible menace of obscurantism should indeed be fought at home: it’s not Islamic, it’s pre-Pythagorician.